I’ve been thinking about love lately, not just love but feelings in general. How many times I’ve seen friends being in love and hearing that they are a fool for it? And the more I think about it, the more terrified I become with the conclusion that people are so afraid of feeling something that they rather hurt someone else instead of being vulnerable and be hurt. Even worse: people are so self-centered that they can’t see outside their range.
I’m not talking about guys being jerks, or girls being shallow, or none of those typical things you might hear. I’m talking about people in general. About how one person will try everything to grab your attention, while you are after someone else, and that person is after someone else, so we never find an end to that circle.
In a world where girls fight the standards to scream their independency, guys have to learn more and more how to live and share the duties of a home, where people are so “connected” instantly and language barriers are broken, still we seem to drift more and more apart from one another. Why is that?
I feel like people are scared of wanting something. Even if they say “that’s how I want someone”, they might run away when that person comes popping in their lives, because they might not be ready for that. Or better yet, they might not be ready to have someone who will have so much power over them, because knowing someone may hurt you is extremely scary. So we close ourselves up in our own world, gathering a list of lovers one right after the other, always having someone to massage our ego, so we don’t have to face the truth that one person might make you feel more than all those others.
We say we want something, but when we find it, we build walls up against it. Doesn’t make sense, right? I’m not saying that we should live like the romance books, where all is perfect and love is stronger than anything else. Those things are beautiful for the stories, but they are not real. Those people are not real, and no matter how many flaws a writer can give them, you can’t flush them out of the page.
No. I’m talking about people who will make you happy and laugh, who will disappoint you because you create certain expectations in your head, who will support you and fail you, who will fight you, and, sometimes, who will just be there, with none of these extreme feelings that you encounter in the pages of a novel.
Perhaps you will meet someone who will make you feel differently, and I pray that you have the courage to tell that person how you feel–which most of us lack to do. We just keep pretending that we don’t care until that person walks out of our life.
If not, you might just keep living life like a ghost, just bumping into the next person and the next, to keep pretending that you are strong or wanted.
I’m not saying that we are incomplete without someone else, not by far. I believe we all come to this life as a whole, and we can live, breathe, build a career, follow our dreams all on our own. What I’m saying is, maybe someone could be there with you, cheering you, challenging you, or helping you put your feet on the ground sometimes.
So my wish for you is to be weak and be a fool. But don’t be a fool with shut eyes and closed heart, because you might miss something or someone.